Doomsday Trend Machine predicts the end of Zombie Media

Meet the latest ‘Has-Been’, the Zombie.

Dear writers, readers, publishers and producers, are you sick of zombies yet? Do you fear that they’ll stick around for years to come, and slam the door on more original monstrosities from the global psyche? Has the metaphor of the living dead become as crippling, and as tiresome, as a severe arthritic trying to tie their own shoes?

Well, as a fan of the sub-genre for decades, I must say that the zombie has walked the plank and can go no further. We have zombie strippers, zombie nazis, zombie thugs, nordic zombies, redneck zombies, graphic novel zombies, literary zombies, mainstream television zombies, zombies at conventions, zombie 5ks, strictly zombie halloween parties, zombie fetish nights….the list goes on and on. Because I write horror fiction, I worry that the pro, the small and the vanity presses have taken it too far. When will it end? When will these carrion-eating bitches finally succumb to their own apocalypse?

I’m rather lucky to have access to the ‘Doomsday Trend Machine’ (yes, one does exist) and I’ve input copious amounts of information into the system, ultimately asking it to predict the ‘End of Zombie Media’.

And the answer: May 2nd, 2013

So if you’re writing that zombie tale, you better get ass into it and get it out there ASAP. It’d be a shame to see it go wayside, especially if it thematically transcends what’s already out there.

Now next time I get access to the ‘Doomsday Trend Machine’, I will ask it what the next trend will be in horror fiction. Please stay tuned.

Zombie titty mags – out of business in 3 months.

(To tell you the truth, I’ve always had zombie dreams on a quite frequent basis, but since the proliferation of the walking dead these last three years, I must admit that these dreams/nightmares come less frequent. So….I want my zombie nightmares back. I do miss them. And I look forward to writing a zombie tale when the ban has been lifted.)

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